I just watched the movie Rachel Getting Married with Anne Hathaway. She is one of my favorite actresses & she is why I decided to watch this particular film. I had no idea what it was about. It made me cry... for several reasons. Technically speaking, every scene went on too long & if you aren't paying close attention you will miss things. The volume control was horrid. I liked how it was filmed to resemble a home movie almost. The camera was never shaky per say but the angles used & the way it followed the characters was intriguing but came off a bit unprofessional looking in spots. As an actress Anne Hathaway blew me away! I've seen all of her films to date & this was completely different from her usual, younger audience friendly, films.
Anne plays a young adult who gets out of rehab the day before her sister's wedding. *SPOILER ALERT* You later find out she accidentally caused the death of her younger brother. I've never killed anyone literally but some times I wonder if I accidentally influenced how my younger sister has turned out. We've never been friends & I regret that but I don't know how to deal with it at this point in our lives. As an older sister I didn't set a very good example. I started having sex as a young teen, I stayed with an abusive boy friend for several years, I got pregnant my senior year of high school (thankfully I got lucky I was with my now husband), I've attempted to hold jobs & get a college degree & failed on both counts, & I can still remember our first big fight when I told her she was an accident my mom found out about when she was going to the doc to get fixed.
Why? Why was I always so hateful to her? Maybe I was jealous because back then she seemed to have everything I didn't. I've always had major medical problems that prevented me from doing so many things that she excelled at. Maybe its just our age difference? Maybe... I don't know. I wish I could talk to her about this but right now she is only 20 (I'm 26) & she is just not mentally capable of handling the real world. I'm not just saying that because of her age but because of how well I know her. Her son, Tanner, is a year older than my youngest. Tanner just turned 4 a few weeks ago. My daughter Kaliana will turn 3 in August.
The younger brother in the movie dies at age 2. Part of me fears for my babies every other minute & every other minute I regret the choices I made that brought them into my life. Of course now that they are here I would never give them up & I love them dearly but what if I had made different choices? My husband tells me not to what if. That is hard for me. I've seen so many young lives snuffed out for no good reason. I've been through so much crap & dealt with so much. Like Anne's character in the movie I have to wonder about God. In fact I wonder about him for a lot of reasons. Part of me has to wonder if he even exists but part of me always says thank you when something good happens.
Maybe I'm a hypocrite but this certainly wouldn't be the first issue I've had multiple opinions on. I try to be open minded, understanding, & such but its hard. Lately its like 1 step forward, 5 back. My husband got temporarily laid off for at least the next week today due to lack of work. He will get 1/2 of his normal salary from unemployment but as it is we are already having trouble paying our bills & have no emergency funds, savings, or extra. My parents having been helping us but they almost completely support my sister & her son who live with them. I am sick of being a burden to my loved ones. My husband told me the other day one of the things he loves about me is how I always find a way to make things work out no matter what. I'm not sure I know how to do that this time but I refuse to give up trying even if it means doing certain things I'm not proud of.
I was the kid who always said I'd never work at McDonalds, that was for losers. Guess who got fired because she wasn't fast enough? I was the kid who would never live in a trailer, only white trash did that. Guess who has lived in a 1977 single wide for the last 8 years? Jobs I can physically do & make any money at are scarce because I have a medical lifting restriction. I've swallowed my pride again & again to make sure my family had want it needed & sometimes what it wanted. I'm not complaining about the bad in my life. That would be typical & anyone who knows me well knows that I'm anything but normal. I like to focus on the positive things in every situation but its just hard right now. I haven't cried like this for a long time. Not since my grandma passed away. She was the glue that held my extended family, my aunts, uncles, cousins, & such, together. After she died I felt so lost. She used to tell me that God is always looking out for me no matter what. I hope she was right.
Another trait Anne's character & I share seems to be the inability to shut our mouths & keep our thoughts to ourselves. I never seem to know when to shut up & tend to annoy people. I'm sorry for that & I'm trying to change. It seems like I've been working on myself for long time. When I met my husband I was lost back then too. In fact two days before we met I'd made my second suicide attempt & overdosed on the worthless anti-depressant I was on at the time. Everyone just assumed I was sick with a nasty bug for a few days. I was a very good liar back then. It took so many of those early years of our relationship to even realize what my issues were. He had his share of issues too. We've worked together on all those issues. I've been lucky, unlike Anne's character, to have a supportive person who has been there for me at my worst & my best.
Recently I saw a specialist, the top specialist in the world, regarding my rare disorder that causes the main portion of my health problems. She introduced me to two new medications I have to take every six hours or so to control the most annoy things caused by the disorder & they are helping me. Ironically one of the medications I am taking because of one of the side effects is an anti-depressant called Amitriptyline & is only used in very small doses normally. It is used to treat major depression according to my doc, my pharmacist, & my friend and favorite nurse (Sarah May). Now, I've tried tons of anti-depression drugs before & have never had one help at all but have had several make me worse so I was almost afraid to try it. I'm glad I did. I feel so... balanced. I don't feel depressed or manic ALL the time. I feel so... content, emotionally. I can still become sad or happy but I no longer get dragged to the extreme of either. I still feel rage but part of that is my temper & part of that is the fact the outside temperature here hasn't gone below 78 for weeks. Heat makes just about anyone crazy I think.
I know that in some cases pills aren't the answer but in mine I think it is. I've taken the wrong ones for soooooo many years I should be a poster child for medical misdiagnoses. However people in my family respond well to the proper medications. My 8yo son for instance. He inherited ADHD from his father (my husband) & my younger (although much taller) brother. Without his medication he cannot function. He can't focus, concentrate, even do the simplest things. With help from his pediatrician we've finally found the dose of meds that makes him stable. Which brings me to another lovely point.
We live in a trailer court. Today my landlord called to let me know our mailman has been suspended & is under investigation for stealing people's mail & possibly using checks/bills people have sent out to access their checking accounts. So its no wonder my lot rent hasn't been getting to the landlord. Huh. Well today our post master, our old mail man's supervisor was going door to door making sure people got their mail from the last week. In my stack of bills & junk mail was a letter informing me I needed to reapply for the children's health insurance by today's date or it would be canceled. To re-apply you have to have at least 4 paycheck stubs from anyone in the home who works. My husband works over an hour away & I didn't have the gas to go get those stubs. So guess what I get to deal with tomorrow? (Technically later today since its now 4:02am.) On a similar note with my husband being temporarily laid off atm there is a very good chance that could stretch out longer. If it lasts too long our health insurance becomes null & void. Lovely.
Now since I like to try to end my blogs on a positive note. My husband just finished reapplying to go back to school & qualifies for a partial scholarship. Hurray! My 8yo son beat Halo on his own for the first time a few days ago & not on the easiest level either. My 2yo daughter brings me much needed laughter, smiles, & hugs each day. When I think about the very basic things in my life I am one of the luckiest people I know. I have an amazing family, a roof over my head, food to eat, & love. Remember that even at life's worst if you look around you can always find a reason to smile.
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I liked the hand-held aspect of "Rachel Getting Married." I thought it helped put the audience into the situation, putting them in the room, making them a member of the family.
ReplyDeleteOf course, those kind of filmmaking choices don't agree with everyone. This film was an "independent film" with a comparatively small budget, so that may have had something to do with the look that bothered you.
I wasn't so much bothered but simply acknowledging the filming style. It was well thought out for the way they told their story. I did feel as as if I was in the room like you described. It was different style than I'm used to but I think it really fit the film well.
ReplyDeleteAlso for having a relatively small budget I loved almost every location they used. That house was gorgeous & I loved it. The way they decorated for the wedding reminded me how my friends Justin & Katie kept to a specific budget for their wedding & yet it was still perfect for them. The theme of the wedding was fantastic too although I didn't really understand the themed dancers at the reception. Is that a thing related to the theme or just for fun? The clothing in this film was appropriate too. The wedding clothing was beautiful but I didn't really care for the pattern of the bride's dress. Personal preference I suppose.
I originally read this post to read about the movie, but soon forgot about the movie and found myself wanting to give you a hug every five seconds! I'm a firm believer that "what doesn't kill us makes us stronger," but I hear you that it seems like bad things are always happening and good things are so far in between. As long as you try to stay positive, that's the best you can do for yourself and your family.
ReplyDeleteIf you ever need anyone to talk to, email me!
The dancers were a part of the husband's religious practices.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite things was the musicians around the house. Using them as background music in the house was just brilliant. Those were actual musicians playing during the shots. I thought it was really cool.
I thought about simply writing a review of the film but I found it touched me so deeply I literally had tears running down my face as I typed. The old me would have felt silly crying like that but the current me knows that sometimes a good cry can be healing in its own way. I'll totally except you're hugs, its the thoughts that count. ^_^
ReplyDeleteOh! I wondered about the dancers. That lost me completely but I figured it was something to do with the ceremony's theme or religion. I totally agree with you that using the musicians music as the background music was brilliant. Their full impact didn't really register with me until the scene where the are asked to stop for a bit. I loved the music score though, it flowed very well through the whole thing.
ReplyDeleteAwww hun, you have so much going on! *hugs* I agree, try to stay positive... I'm a firm believer of "things will work out in the end", although sometimes I tend to forget.
ReplyDeleteOh and I saw the movie because of the same reason - I love Anne Hathaway. The movie reminded me of what a great actress she is. I didn't like the movie that much, probably for the reasons you described.