First snow of the season came Saturday night/Sunday morning. I am thankful it came then and not this morning. My kids are still at that age where school is a magical fun place they enjoy being so snow days aren't loved just yet. It is too cold outside by the time they get home to play in the snow safely so it just sits there untouched by us. However they have had fun trying to guess which animals made all the prints they can see out the living room window.
Saturday night a few friends of the husband and I came over. We had planned on watching some anime but the problem with that is when you have friends over you tend to talk and if you do that while trying to watch anime you miss stuff. Most regular movies you can miss ten minutes and still have a pretty good idea of what is going on but most anime has a very detailed plot that drives the story along with the images. So if you ever decide to give anime a chance pay attention or you probably won't get the full effect. We ended up putting in Princess Bride for background noise and pretty much ignored the television. next time our friends plan to bring their Wii. I suppose that is better than beer pong especially if we aren't drinking anything alcoholic.
Why is it so hard to entertain ourselves as adults? You put two kids together and they are set but adults? Eep! I always feel like a bossy bitch because most of the people I tend to spend time with are indecisive so picking what we do, watch, or whatever falls to me because I am so used to being the only one who will take charge. We can't even go out to eat without an hour long where do you want to go fest. The good thing is no one seems to mind when I take charge. I try to be nice about it so that helps I suppose. My mom suggested getting some board games but my friends just aren't into those types of games it seems. The hubby gets mad because when I go out with my friends it is usually at night/early morning and we go to bars because that seems to be the only thing to do around here at that time of day. The thing I've noticed though is when you get a group of people drinking together usually random funny stuff happens often enough that you don't actually have to be doing anything to be entertained. Not that I'm advocating drinking. I wouldn't drink but it is one of the few peer pressures I give in too when I go out.
Well that paragraph when somewhere I wasn't expecting. That is one of the things I love about writing. You just never know where you might end up.
Speaking of ending, it is once again December. Another year is almost gone. I know 27 isn't considered 'old' but it feels old to me especially when I am around anyone who is younger. I'll be 28 in February and 30 looms closer and closer. A friend's facebook status actually got me thinking about it a few days ago. Why is getting older such a big deal? A pessimist would say it is that much closer to death. An optimist would say things get better as they get older like a fine wine. I'm a realist so my view is somewhere in between. I'm not scared of death. It will happen eventually to everyone, vampires and other creatures of the night excluded of course. It could happen any moment but I don't plan to worry about it beyond trying to live as healthy of a life as I'm comfortable committing to. For me that means not smoking, not drinking alcohol in excess, getting exercise of some sort each day, making sure to smile when I have the chance, and eating as healthy as I can afford to and have the patience to prepare is good. However I will not berating myself for having the occasional (or daily) candy bar. (They say dark chocolate is good for you right? ^_~)
Exercise is another thing I get really frustrated over. I know it is good for me but traditional exercise is so boring! When I was a stripper/pole dancer moving for nearly 12 hours straight and heaving my body weight up, down, around, and such was all the exercise I needed and more. My body had never looked better. Unfortunately with the change in my family's schedules and other such stuff I already covered that job is no longer an option at the moment. So my free exercise program is also out the window. My husband felt bad for a few minutes and bought me a dancer pole but it is a few inches too tall to fit in our trailer with the ceiling being only 7 feet high. Doh!
Now that my 4yo is in preschool I can crank some music and dance while I fold laundry. Glamorous eh? I miss my little princess even if she was a two legged wrecking machine who was always one step behind my cleaning making things messy again. She loves preschool and I'm pretty fond of my new me time though so it is for the best I guess. I was never the kind of person who wanted to be a parent when I was younger. Growing up in a close Catholic family with a ton of cousins of all ages meant I knew what a pain in the butt kids were and I wanted no part in it. Then puberty kicked in and I became a statistic, an unwed teen mom. Omg right? However now that I have my kiddos I love them for than I ever thought possible even if they drive me crazy sometimes. That does not mean I intend to become a further statistic and have a 3rd child. I have heard too many people say "I wish we had stopped at two.", "Our 3rd was a surprise/accident.", etc. so after my 4yo was born I got my tubes tied. When it comes up in conversation I tend to get the response "but what if you decide you want more children?" My answer? I won't. I am happy with 2. I have 2 hands and 2 kids. I know that personally I can't handle more than that. I applaud people who can though.
Some people just aren't meant to take care of children. When my 10yo was still a toddler and my husband and I both had regular jobs we had our son in day care. Looking back now I wish things had been different. The women at the day care were nice and took care of the kids but that was about it. They didn't care for kids if that makes any sense. Now, with our current situation, no jobs and on government assistance we qualify for our 4yo to go to a free preschool run by the local public school district and Parents as Teachers. This means that every person working for the preschool is working there because they love children. Our 10yo didn't start reading until 3rd grade. Our 4yo can already spell her name and the names of all her classmates. It seems ironic to me that even though our family is technically worse off in other ways things have never been better. I can't get a job right now or she would have to leave the preschool because we would make too much money to qualify for her to go there. We'd lose the kid's health insurance, our food stamps, our temporary assistance, my husband's unemployment, and more. So basically we are stuck in our current situation because the government has done such a great job giving us a hand out instead of a hand up. *face palm*
I'm not complaining per say. I'm really grateful for all that we are given and have thanks to the screwy way things work. That just isn't how I was raised. The harder you work, the better quality of work you do, and so on should get you ahead. Right? I've been told to slow down and not care so much at more than one job. They are only paying us by the hour so why should we care? The opposite of that is my friends who have commission jobs with unobtainable sales goals. Somewhere in between are the people I know scraping out a living as artists, writers, freelancers, dancers, and other non-traditional jobs. My son asked me why I wasn't going to college but daddy was. I told him daddy is the type of person who is more likely to get a good job that pays well if he has a degree where as I am more likely to do well with out needing one. Then he asked if he gets to/has to go to college. I told him we would just have to consider that when he was closer than 4th grade. My kids are way too smart for me sometimes. I guess that means I must be doing something right though.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Going to gives this blog thing another try.
So I haven't blogged since January and it is now December, lol! However if I plan to be any kind of serious writer having a blog seems to be essential so I'm willing to try to post regularly again. My humor is a bit odd so laugh if you find things funny or don't its up to you. ^_~
My 4yo daughter, Kaliana is now potty trained and finally managed to get a spot in the local preschool. Thankfully we don't have to pay for it because it is run through the public school system partnered with the local Parents as Teachers program. She looooooooooooooves it! Her teacher thinks she is an absolute gem & smart as a whip. My 10yo son, Michael still likes school but now that he is almost half way through 4th grade and a pre-teen now things are getting a bit more interesting parenting wise. I see so much of his father in him, especially temperamental wise. I'm not saying I don't have a bad temper but those two take everything so personal! As I've mentioned before my son Michael and my husband Jason both have extremely bad ADHD. We had Michael on Metadate in the morning and Ritalin in the afternoon which was working fine for a while but when he hit this last growth spurt they started wearing off sooner than they used to and weren't really helping so his grades started to drop. Before you rant about the evils of ritalin please know I've done everything I could think of, every suggestion, every food, every schedule people suggested to avoid medication but he is just one of the few that honestly needs it to focus. So now we've taken him off those medications and put him on one called Vyvanse. He has been on it about a month now & his teacher even noted a big difference which is great! ^_^
Jason, my husband, is still in school. He is getting his nuclear operations degree. Totally beyond my scope of comprehension but hey I'm blond so its allowed right? ^_~ He has finals next week but after that he is on break until next semester starts. When we were seniors in high school he tried to get into the Navy. His asvab score was high enough the nuke guys actually called his recruiter and said send him to us! Sadly because he had childhood asthma he was medically disqualified. He is too honest for his own good sometimes. Why is it that it is so much easier for most girls to bend the truth or dance around it? Not calling girls liars but we seem to be better at not being completely honest about certain things. Just speaking from what I've experienced and/or seen so please don't take that part personal.
What haven't I talked about yet? Oh yea... me! Lol, sorry, I'm silly. Well I recently participated in National Novel Writing Month, or nanowrimo for short. (You can learn more here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/ Defeated the challenge of 50,000 words toward a novel in the month of November. Pretty proud of myself there. Now that Kaliana is finally in preschool I spend a lot of time actually getting housework done. Its easier when you don't have a 4yo wreaking machine behind you undoing everything you do all day. The house is still a wreck the minute they are home after school and especially on weekends but what can you do? It might be different if we had a place big enough to have a place for everything but we just don't and I don't see that in the future any time soon.
If you haven't read the previous blogs you might be surprised to find out I did actually manage to get a job for a while. I worked at a gentlemen's club called Earth Angels as a stripper/pole dancer. BEST JOB EVER!!! However loooong story short I started in August of 2009 and was forced to quit in January I think it was? It was perfect except that as a job it wasn't socially acceptable. That didn't bother me but it bothered my parents and my husband. My parents care far too much what others think of them and need to realize no one really gives a fuck. My husband was of course pressured by them and his guy friends gave him crap about it too. Although I do have to say that out of respect none of them came to see me dance which made no sense to me but whatever. Plenty of my other friends who did support me came or supported me in other ways even if just with kind messages on facebook. Strip clubs are really everyone's thing so its understandable. Personally it was perfect to me. I got to enjoy a dance club atmosphere, be as flirty as I wanted, and yet no one actually expected a damn thing out of me at the end of the night and I had body guards to enforce that. Not that I couldn't hold my own but I am less than a hundred pounds so... The money was good, they customers were interesting, and the experiences were priceless. I'd go back in a heart beat if I could but to keep the peace I have given up the job that made me happiest, richest, the most in shape, and wasn't too bad of an ego boost either.
I still do jewelry but now mostly just custom orders or repairs on crap people have bought elsewhere that breaks after being worn once. I still sketch and do my art when I don't mind being given a hard time about 'wasting time'. I still sew but only if I have an order, repair, or adjustment someone needs and is willing to pay for. I still write but with nanowrimo this past month I've been so focused on that I haven't taken time to do anything else with my writing. My story involves werecreatures, vampires, a demon, and so on. I really hope the market being flooded with Twilight wanna bes isn't going to hurt my stories chances. I'm honestly tempted to just let it simmer but I don't want to miss the boat either.
Recently I discovered the online world of Second Life and have opened a store in world in which I sell textures and other graphic arts to other game players to use to create clothing and accessories for their avatars or to sell in their stores. You can play for free but if you want to you can invest some real money and earn game money which you can turn into real money. If that makes any sense. I've managed to make a slightly bigger profit every month so I'll call it a successful experiment so far. Even still I won't be buying a mansion or paying any big bills with those profits any time soon. If it were easy everyone would do it though right?
So why not get a normal job? Well the economy sucks but that isn't really a good excuse is it? There are plenty of jobs out there and yet I've interviewed here, there, and almost every where and either they don't want to hire me or the job doesn't pay enough to be worth it. We are on temporary assistance, food stamps, and unemployment for my husband from his last job. We also get medical insurance for the kids and qualify for our 4yo to attend the preschool she is at. If I got a job it would have to pay for gas to and from work, pay for me to send Kaliana to day care or preschool, have enough taken out for medical insurance for the kids, and then have anything left over is about impossible. So for now we are better off unemployed and one or the other a student.
In other news my bff and I went out to a local bar/pool hall last night and made some new friends. Ironically one of them was named Cullen. I wish Michelle could come to town more often. She moved 3 hours away to Kansas City several months ago to be with her boyfriend. I swear the things we do for and put up with for our men kills me sometimes. She tries to come to town as often as possible but that is usually only once a month or less. We used to go out several nights a week together but now I'm short my wing man so I tend to just stay home. We tended to keep each other out of trouble that alone we tend to seem to attract like moths to a flame. I have other friends but none that are close. I wish I was closer to several people I know but our lives are just too different I guess. Oh and no worries about the cost of going out because around here sober drivers get free non-alcoholic drinks. ^_^
I decided to write this blog to try to motivate myself to write or something. Suddenly now that nanowrimo is over I don't have a set deadline and my motivation has all but vanished which is really unlike me. Normally I have a dozen projects going at once. I actually found myself bored a few nights ago! I have more hobbies than anyone I know but could not bring myself to even consider starting a project. It is tempting to blame it on the fact that I am bi-polar but I just don't know. Depression is a slippery slope that I've been trying to climb since forever it seems. We all have good days and bad but it seems like when I get down getting back up has gotten harder and harder. My husband does not understand why I use facebook or twitter because he doesn't use them or any online worlds or platforms. I have gained so many friends and supporters! I don't think I could have kept smiling and not killing annoying people at times with out them.
This was my catch up post. I'll make the next one more interest, lol! Thanks for reading!
My 4yo daughter, Kaliana is now potty trained and finally managed to get a spot in the local preschool. Thankfully we don't have to pay for it because it is run through the public school system partnered with the local Parents as Teachers program. She looooooooooooooves it! Her teacher thinks she is an absolute gem & smart as a whip. My 10yo son, Michael still likes school but now that he is almost half way through 4th grade and a pre-teen now things are getting a bit more interesting parenting wise. I see so much of his father in him, especially temperamental wise. I'm not saying I don't have a bad temper but those two take everything so personal! As I've mentioned before my son Michael and my husband Jason both have extremely bad ADHD. We had Michael on Metadate in the morning and Ritalin in the afternoon which was working fine for a while but when he hit this last growth spurt they started wearing off sooner than they used to and weren't really helping so his grades started to drop. Before you rant about the evils of ritalin please know I've done everything I could think of, every suggestion, every food, every schedule people suggested to avoid medication but he is just one of the few that honestly needs it to focus. So now we've taken him off those medications and put him on one called Vyvanse. He has been on it about a month now & his teacher even noted a big difference which is great! ^_^
Jason, my husband, is still in school. He is getting his nuclear operations degree. Totally beyond my scope of comprehension but hey I'm blond so its allowed right? ^_~ He has finals next week but after that he is on break until next semester starts. When we were seniors in high school he tried to get into the Navy. His asvab score was high enough the nuke guys actually called his recruiter and said send him to us! Sadly because he had childhood asthma he was medically disqualified. He is too honest for his own good sometimes. Why is it that it is so much easier for most girls to bend the truth or dance around it? Not calling girls liars but we seem to be better at not being completely honest about certain things. Just speaking from what I've experienced and/or seen so please don't take that part personal.
What haven't I talked about yet? Oh yea... me! Lol, sorry, I'm silly. Well I recently participated in National Novel Writing Month, or nanowrimo for short. (You can learn more here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/ Defeated the challenge of 50,000 words toward a novel in the month of November. Pretty proud of myself there. Now that Kaliana is finally in preschool I spend a lot of time actually getting housework done. Its easier when you don't have a 4yo wreaking machine behind you undoing everything you do all day. The house is still a wreck the minute they are home after school and especially on weekends but what can you do? It might be different if we had a place big enough to have a place for everything but we just don't and I don't see that in the future any time soon.
If you haven't read the previous blogs you might be surprised to find out I did actually manage to get a job for a while. I worked at a gentlemen's club called Earth Angels as a stripper/pole dancer. BEST JOB EVER!!! However loooong story short I started in August of 2009 and was forced to quit in January I think it was? It was perfect except that as a job it wasn't socially acceptable. That didn't bother me but it bothered my parents and my husband. My parents care far too much what others think of them and need to realize no one really gives a fuck. My husband was of course pressured by them and his guy friends gave him crap about it too. Although I do have to say that out of respect none of them came to see me dance which made no sense to me but whatever. Plenty of my other friends who did support me came or supported me in other ways even if just with kind messages on facebook. Strip clubs are really everyone's thing so its understandable. Personally it was perfect to me. I got to enjoy a dance club atmosphere, be as flirty as I wanted, and yet no one actually expected a damn thing out of me at the end of the night and I had body guards to enforce that. Not that I couldn't hold my own but I am less than a hundred pounds so... The money was good, they customers were interesting, and the experiences were priceless. I'd go back in a heart beat if I could but to keep the peace I have given up the job that made me happiest, richest, the most in shape, and wasn't too bad of an ego boost either.
I still do jewelry but now mostly just custom orders or repairs on crap people have bought elsewhere that breaks after being worn once. I still sketch and do my art when I don't mind being given a hard time about 'wasting time'. I still sew but only if I have an order, repair, or adjustment someone needs and is willing to pay for. I still write but with nanowrimo this past month I've been so focused on that I haven't taken time to do anything else with my writing. My story involves werecreatures, vampires, a demon, and so on. I really hope the market being flooded with Twilight wanna bes isn't going to hurt my stories chances. I'm honestly tempted to just let it simmer but I don't want to miss the boat either.
Recently I discovered the online world of Second Life and have opened a store in world in which I sell textures and other graphic arts to other game players to use to create clothing and accessories for their avatars or to sell in their stores. You can play for free but if you want to you can invest some real money and earn game money which you can turn into real money. If that makes any sense. I've managed to make a slightly bigger profit every month so I'll call it a successful experiment so far. Even still I won't be buying a mansion or paying any big bills with those profits any time soon. If it were easy everyone would do it though right?
So why not get a normal job? Well the economy sucks but that isn't really a good excuse is it? There are plenty of jobs out there and yet I've interviewed here, there, and almost every where and either they don't want to hire me or the job doesn't pay enough to be worth it. We are on temporary assistance, food stamps, and unemployment for my husband from his last job. We also get medical insurance for the kids and qualify for our 4yo to attend the preschool she is at. If I got a job it would have to pay for gas to and from work, pay for me to send Kaliana to day care or preschool, have enough taken out for medical insurance for the kids, and then have anything left over is about impossible. So for now we are better off unemployed and one or the other a student.
In other news my bff and I went out to a local bar/pool hall last night and made some new friends. Ironically one of them was named Cullen. I wish Michelle could come to town more often. She moved 3 hours away to Kansas City several months ago to be with her boyfriend. I swear the things we do for and put up with for our men kills me sometimes. She tries to come to town as often as possible but that is usually only once a month or less. We used to go out several nights a week together but now I'm short my wing man so I tend to just stay home. We tended to keep each other out of trouble that alone we tend to seem to attract like moths to a flame. I have other friends but none that are close. I wish I was closer to several people I know but our lives are just too different I guess. Oh and no worries about the cost of going out because around here sober drivers get free non-alcoholic drinks. ^_^
I decided to write this blog to try to motivate myself to write or something. Suddenly now that nanowrimo is over I don't have a set deadline and my motivation has all but vanished which is really unlike me. Normally I have a dozen projects going at once. I actually found myself bored a few nights ago! I have more hobbies than anyone I know but could not bring myself to even consider starting a project. It is tempting to blame it on the fact that I am bi-polar but I just don't know. Depression is a slippery slope that I've been trying to climb since forever it seems. We all have good days and bad but it seems like when I get down getting back up has gotten harder and harder. My husband does not understand why I use facebook or twitter because he doesn't use them or any online worlds or platforms. I have gained so many friends and supporters! I don't think I could have kept smiling and not killing annoying people at times with out them.
This was my catch up post. I'll make the next one more interest, lol! Thanks for reading!
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