First snow of the season came Saturday night/Sunday morning. I am thankful it came then and not this morning. My kids are still at that age where school is a magical fun place they enjoy being so snow days aren't loved just yet. It is too cold outside by the time they get home to play in the snow safely so it just sits there untouched by us. However they have had fun trying to guess which animals made all the prints they can see out the living room window.
Saturday night a few friends of the husband and I came over. We had planned on watching some anime but the problem with that is when you have friends over you tend to talk and if you do that while trying to watch anime you miss stuff. Most regular movies you can miss ten minutes and still have a pretty good idea of what is going on but most anime has a very detailed plot that drives the story along with the images. So if you ever decide to give anime a chance pay attention or you probably won't get the full effect. We ended up putting in Princess Bride for background noise and pretty much ignored the television. next time our friends plan to bring their Wii. I suppose that is better than beer pong especially if we aren't drinking anything alcoholic.
Why is it so hard to entertain ourselves as adults? You put two kids together and they are set but adults? Eep! I always feel like a bossy bitch because most of the people I tend to spend time with are indecisive so picking what we do, watch, or whatever falls to me because I am so used to being the only one who will take charge. We can't even go out to eat without an hour long where do you want to go fest. The good thing is no one seems to mind when I take charge. I try to be nice about it so that helps I suppose. My mom suggested getting some board games but my friends just aren't into those types of games it seems. The hubby gets mad because when I go out with my friends it is usually at night/early morning and we go to bars because that seems to be the only thing to do around here at that time of day. The thing I've noticed though is when you get a group of people drinking together usually random funny stuff happens often enough that you don't actually have to be doing anything to be entertained. Not that I'm advocating drinking. I wouldn't drink but it is one of the few peer pressures I give in too when I go out.
Well that paragraph when somewhere I wasn't expecting. That is one of the things I love about writing. You just never know where you might end up.
Speaking of ending, it is once again December. Another year is almost gone. I know 27 isn't considered 'old' but it feels old to me especially when I am around anyone who is younger. I'll be 28 in February and 30 looms closer and closer. A friend's facebook status actually got me thinking about it a few days ago. Why is getting older such a big deal? A pessimist would say it is that much closer to death. An optimist would say things get better as they get older like a fine wine. I'm a realist so my view is somewhere in between. I'm not scared of death. It will happen eventually to everyone, vampires and other creatures of the night excluded of course. It could happen any moment but I don't plan to worry about it beyond trying to live as healthy of a life as I'm comfortable committing to. For me that means not smoking, not drinking alcohol in excess, getting exercise of some sort each day, making sure to smile when I have the chance, and eating as healthy as I can afford to and have the patience to prepare is good. However I will not berating myself for having the occasional (or daily) candy bar. (They say dark chocolate is good for you right? ^_~)
Exercise is another thing I get really frustrated over. I know it is good for me but traditional exercise is so boring! When I was a stripper/pole dancer moving for nearly 12 hours straight and heaving my body weight up, down, around, and such was all the exercise I needed and more. My body had never looked better. Unfortunately with the change in my family's schedules and other such stuff I already covered that job is no longer an option at the moment. So my free exercise program is also out the window. My husband felt bad for a few minutes and bought me a dancer pole but it is a few inches too tall to fit in our trailer with the ceiling being only 7 feet high. Doh!
Now that my 4yo is in preschool I can crank some music and dance while I fold laundry. Glamorous eh? I miss my little princess even if she was a two legged wrecking machine who was always one step behind my cleaning making things messy again. She loves preschool and I'm pretty fond of my new me time though so it is for the best I guess. I was never the kind of person who wanted to be a parent when I was younger. Growing up in a close Catholic family with a ton of cousins of all ages meant I knew what a pain in the butt kids were and I wanted no part in it. Then puberty kicked in and I became a statistic, an unwed teen mom. Omg right? However now that I have my kiddos I love them for than I ever thought possible even if they drive me crazy sometimes. That does not mean I intend to become a further statistic and have a 3rd child. I have heard too many people say "I wish we had stopped at two.", "Our 3rd was a surprise/accident.", etc. so after my 4yo was born I got my tubes tied. When it comes up in conversation I tend to get the response "but what if you decide you want more children?" My answer? I won't. I am happy with 2. I have 2 hands and 2 kids. I know that personally I can't handle more than that. I applaud people who can though.
Some people just aren't meant to take care of children. When my 10yo was still a toddler and my husband and I both had regular jobs we had our son in day care. Looking back now I wish things had been different. The women at the day care were nice and took care of the kids but that was about it. They didn't care for kids if that makes any sense. Now, with our current situation, no jobs and on government assistance we qualify for our 4yo to go to a free preschool run by the local public school district and Parents as Teachers. This means that every person working for the preschool is working there because they love children. Our 10yo didn't start reading until 3rd grade. Our 4yo can already spell her name and the names of all her classmates. It seems ironic to me that even though our family is technically worse off in other ways things have never been better. I can't get a job right now or she would have to leave the preschool because we would make too much money to qualify for her to go there. We'd lose the kid's health insurance, our food stamps, our temporary assistance, my husband's unemployment, and more. So basically we are stuck in our current situation because the government has done such a great job giving us a hand out instead of a hand up. *face palm*
I'm not complaining per say. I'm really grateful for all that we are given and have thanks to the screwy way things work. That just isn't how I was raised. The harder you work, the better quality of work you do, and so on should get you ahead. Right? I've been told to slow down and not care so much at more than one job. They are only paying us by the hour so why should we care? The opposite of that is my friends who have commission jobs with unobtainable sales goals. Somewhere in between are the people I know scraping out a living as artists, writers, freelancers, dancers, and other non-traditional jobs. My son asked me why I wasn't going to college but daddy was. I told him daddy is the type of person who is more likely to get a good job that pays well if he has a degree where as I am more likely to do well with out needing one. Then he asked if he gets to/has to go to college. I told him we would just have to consider that when he was closer than 4th grade. My kids are way too smart for me sometimes. I guess that means I must be doing something right though.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Going to gives this blog thing another try.
So I haven't blogged since January and it is now December, lol! However if I plan to be any kind of serious writer having a blog seems to be essential so I'm willing to try to post regularly again. My humor is a bit odd so laugh if you find things funny or don't its up to you. ^_~
My 4yo daughter, Kaliana is now potty trained and finally managed to get a spot in the local preschool. Thankfully we don't have to pay for it because it is run through the public school system partnered with the local Parents as Teachers program. She looooooooooooooves it! Her teacher thinks she is an absolute gem & smart as a whip. My 10yo son, Michael still likes school but now that he is almost half way through 4th grade and a pre-teen now things are getting a bit more interesting parenting wise. I see so much of his father in him, especially temperamental wise. I'm not saying I don't have a bad temper but those two take everything so personal! As I've mentioned before my son Michael and my husband Jason both have extremely bad ADHD. We had Michael on Metadate in the morning and Ritalin in the afternoon which was working fine for a while but when he hit this last growth spurt they started wearing off sooner than they used to and weren't really helping so his grades started to drop. Before you rant about the evils of ritalin please know I've done everything I could think of, every suggestion, every food, every schedule people suggested to avoid medication but he is just one of the few that honestly needs it to focus. So now we've taken him off those medications and put him on one called Vyvanse. He has been on it about a month now & his teacher even noted a big difference which is great! ^_^
Jason, my husband, is still in school. He is getting his nuclear operations degree. Totally beyond my scope of comprehension but hey I'm blond so its allowed right? ^_~ He has finals next week but after that he is on break until next semester starts. When we were seniors in high school he tried to get into the Navy. His asvab score was high enough the nuke guys actually called his recruiter and said send him to us! Sadly because he had childhood asthma he was medically disqualified. He is too honest for his own good sometimes. Why is it that it is so much easier for most girls to bend the truth or dance around it? Not calling girls liars but we seem to be better at not being completely honest about certain things. Just speaking from what I've experienced and/or seen so please don't take that part personal.
What haven't I talked about yet? Oh yea... me! Lol, sorry, I'm silly. Well I recently participated in National Novel Writing Month, or nanowrimo for short. (You can learn more here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/ Defeated the challenge of 50,000 words toward a novel in the month of November. Pretty proud of myself there. Now that Kaliana is finally in preschool I spend a lot of time actually getting housework done. Its easier when you don't have a 4yo wreaking machine behind you undoing everything you do all day. The house is still a wreck the minute they are home after school and especially on weekends but what can you do? It might be different if we had a place big enough to have a place for everything but we just don't and I don't see that in the future any time soon.
If you haven't read the previous blogs you might be surprised to find out I did actually manage to get a job for a while. I worked at a gentlemen's club called Earth Angels as a stripper/pole dancer. BEST JOB EVER!!! However loooong story short I started in August of 2009 and was forced to quit in January I think it was? It was perfect except that as a job it wasn't socially acceptable. That didn't bother me but it bothered my parents and my husband. My parents care far too much what others think of them and need to realize no one really gives a fuck. My husband was of course pressured by them and his guy friends gave him crap about it too. Although I do have to say that out of respect none of them came to see me dance which made no sense to me but whatever. Plenty of my other friends who did support me came or supported me in other ways even if just with kind messages on facebook. Strip clubs are really everyone's thing so its understandable. Personally it was perfect to me. I got to enjoy a dance club atmosphere, be as flirty as I wanted, and yet no one actually expected a damn thing out of me at the end of the night and I had body guards to enforce that. Not that I couldn't hold my own but I am less than a hundred pounds so... The money was good, they customers were interesting, and the experiences were priceless. I'd go back in a heart beat if I could but to keep the peace I have given up the job that made me happiest, richest, the most in shape, and wasn't too bad of an ego boost either.
I still do jewelry but now mostly just custom orders or repairs on crap people have bought elsewhere that breaks after being worn once. I still sketch and do my art when I don't mind being given a hard time about 'wasting time'. I still sew but only if I have an order, repair, or adjustment someone needs and is willing to pay for. I still write but with nanowrimo this past month I've been so focused on that I haven't taken time to do anything else with my writing. My story involves werecreatures, vampires, a demon, and so on. I really hope the market being flooded with Twilight wanna bes isn't going to hurt my stories chances. I'm honestly tempted to just let it simmer but I don't want to miss the boat either.
Recently I discovered the online world of Second Life and have opened a store in world in which I sell textures and other graphic arts to other game players to use to create clothing and accessories for their avatars or to sell in their stores. You can play for free but if you want to you can invest some real money and earn game money which you can turn into real money. If that makes any sense. I've managed to make a slightly bigger profit every month so I'll call it a successful experiment so far. Even still I won't be buying a mansion or paying any big bills with those profits any time soon. If it were easy everyone would do it though right?
So why not get a normal job? Well the economy sucks but that isn't really a good excuse is it? There are plenty of jobs out there and yet I've interviewed here, there, and almost every where and either they don't want to hire me or the job doesn't pay enough to be worth it. We are on temporary assistance, food stamps, and unemployment for my husband from his last job. We also get medical insurance for the kids and qualify for our 4yo to attend the preschool she is at. If I got a job it would have to pay for gas to and from work, pay for me to send Kaliana to day care or preschool, have enough taken out for medical insurance for the kids, and then have anything left over is about impossible. So for now we are better off unemployed and one or the other a student.
In other news my bff and I went out to a local bar/pool hall last night and made some new friends. Ironically one of them was named Cullen. I wish Michelle could come to town more often. She moved 3 hours away to Kansas City several months ago to be with her boyfriend. I swear the things we do for and put up with for our men kills me sometimes. She tries to come to town as often as possible but that is usually only once a month or less. We used to go out several nights a week together but now I'm short my wing man so I tend to just stay home. We tended to keep each other out of trouble that alone we tend to seem to attract like moths to a flame. I have other friends but none that are close. I wish I was closer to several people I know but our lives are just too different I guess. Oh and no worries about the cost of going out because around here sober drivers get free non-alcoholic drinks. ^_^
I decided to write this blog to try to motivate myself to write or something. Suddenly now that nanowrimo is over I don't have a set deadline and my motivation has all but vanished which is really unlike me. Normally I have a dozen projects going at once. I actually found myself bored a few nights ago! I have more hobbies than anyone I know but could not bring myself to even consider starting a project. It is tempting to blame it on the fact that I am bi-polar but I just don't know. Depression is a slippery slope that I've been trying to climb since forever it seems. We all have good days and bad but it seems like when I get down getting back up has gotten harder and harder. My husband does not understand why I use facebook or twitter because he doesn't use them or any online worlds or platforms. I have gained so many friends and supporters! I don't think I could have kept smiling and not killing annoying people at times with out them.
This was my catch up post. I'll make the next one more interest, lol! Thanks for reading!
My 4yo daughter, Kaliana is now potty trained and finally managed to get a spot in the local preschool. Thankfully we don't have to pay for it because it is run through the public school system partnered with the local Parents as Teachers program. She looooooooooooooves it! Her teacher thinks she is an absolute gem & smart as a whip. My 10yo son, Michael still likes school but now that he is almost half way through 4th grade and a pre-teen now things are getting a bit more interesting parenting wise. I see so much of his father in him, especially temperamental wise. I'm not saying I don't have a bad temper but those two take everything so personal! As I've mentioned before my son Michael and my husband Jason both have extremely bad ADHD. We had Michael on Metadate in the morning and Ritalin in the afternoon which was working fine for a while but when he hit this last growth spurt they started wearing off sooner than they used to and weren't really helping so his grades started to drop. Before you rant about the evils of ritalin please know I've done everything I could think of, every suggestion, every food, every schedule people suggested to avoid medication but he is just one of the few that honestly needs it to focus. So now we've taken him off those medications and put him on one called Vyvanse. He has been on it about a month now & his teacher even noted a big difference which is great! ^_^
Jason, my husband, is still in school. He is getting his nuclear operations degree. Totally beyond my scope of comprehension but hey I'm blond so its allowed right? ^_~ He has finals next week but after that he is on break until next semester starts. When we were seniors in high school he tried to get into the Navy. His asvab score was high enough the nuke guys actually called his recruiter and said send him to us! Sadly because he had childhood asthma he was medically disqualified. He is too honest for his own good sometimes. Why is it that it is so much easier for most girls to bend the truth or dance around it? Not calling girls liars but we seem to be better at not being completely honest about certain things. Just speaking from what I've experienced and/or seen so please don't take that part personal.
What haven't I talked about yet? Oh yea... me! Lol, sorry, I'm silly. Well I recently participated in National Novel Writing Month, or nanowrimo for short. (You can learn more here: http://www.nanowrimo.org/ Defeated the challenge of 50,000 words toward a novel in the month of November. Pretty proud of myself there. Now that Kaliana is finally in preschool I spend a lot of time actually getting housework done. Its easier when you don't have a 4yo wreaking machine behind you undoing everything you do all day. The house is still a wreck the minute they are home after school and especially on weekends but what can you do? It might be different if we had a place big enough to have a place for everything but we just don't and I don't see that in the future any time soon.
If you haven't read the previous blogs you might be surprised to find out I did actually manage to get a job for a while. I worked at a gentlemen's club called Earth Angels as a stripper/pole dancer. BEST JOB EVER!!! However loooong story short I started in August of 2009 and was forced to quit in January I think it was? It was perfect except that as a job it wasn't socially acceptable. That didn't bother me but it bothered my parents and my husband. My parents care far too much what others think of them and need to realize no one really gives a fuck. My husband was of course pressured by them and his guy friends gave him crap about it too. Although I do have to say that out of respect none of them came to see me dance which made no sense to me but whatever. Plenty of my other friends who did support me came or supported me in other ways even if just with kind messages on facebook. Strip clubs are really everyone's thing so its understandable. Personally it was perfect to me. I got to enjoy a dance club atmosphere, be as flirty as I wanted, and yet no one actually expected a damn thing out of me at the end of the night and I had body guards to enforce that. Not that I couldn't hold my own but I am less than a hundred pounds so... The money was good, they customers were interesting, and the experiences were priceless. I'd go back in a heart beat if I could but to keep the peace I have given up the job that made me happiest, richest, the most in shape, and wasn't too bad of an ego boost either.
I still do jewelry but now mostly just custom orders or repairs on crap people have bought elsewhere that breaks after being worn once. I still sketch and do my art when I don't mind being given a hard time about 'wasting time'. I still sew but only if I have an order, repair, or adjustment someone needs and is willing to pay for. I still write but with nanowrimo this past month I've been so focused on that I haven't taken time to do anything else with my writing. My story involves werecreatures, vampires, a demon, and so on. I really hope the market being flooded with Twilight wanna bes isn't going to hurt my stories chances. I'm honestly tempted to just let it simmer but I don't want to miss the boat either.
Recently I discovered the online world of Second Life and have opened a store in world in which I sell textures and other graphic arts to other game players to use to create clothing and accessories for their avatars or to sell in their stores. You can play for free but if you want to you can invest some real money and earn game money which you can turn into real money. If that makes any sense. I've managed to make a slightly bigger profit every month so I'll call it a successful experiment so far. Even still I won't be buying a mansion or paying any big bills with those profits any time soon. If it were easy everyone would do it though right?
So why not get a normal job? Well the economy sucks but that isn't really a good excuse is it? There are plenty of jobs out there and yet I've interviewed here, there, and almost every where and either they don't want to hire me or the job doesn't pay enough to be worth it. We are on temporary assistance, food stamps, and unemployment for my husband from his last job. We also get medical insurance for the kids and qualify for our 4yo to attend the preschool she is at. If I got a job it would have to pay for gas to and from work, pay for me to send Kaliana to day care or preschool, have enough taken out for medical insurance for the kids, and then have anything left over is about impossible. So for now we are better off unemployed and one or the other a student.
In other news my bff and I went out to a local bar/pool hall last night and made some new friends. Ironically one of them was named Cullen. I wish Michelle could come to town more often. She moved 3 hours away to Kansas City several months ago to be with her boyfriend. I swear the things we do for and put up with for our men kills me sometimes. She tries to come to town as often as possible but that is usually only once a month or less. We used to go out several nights a week together but now I'm short my wing man so I tend to just stay home. We tended to keep each other out of trouble that alone we tend to seem to attract like moths to a flame. I have other friends but none that are close. I wish I was closer to several people I know but our lives are just too different I guess. Oh and no worries about the cost of going out because around here sober drivers get free non-alcoholic drinks. ^_^
I decided to write this blog to try to motivate myself to write or something. Suddenly now that nanowrimo is over I don't have a set deadline and my motivation has all but vanished which is really unlike me. Normally I have a dozen projects going at once. I actually found myself bored a few nights ago! I have more hobbies than anyone I know but could not bring myself to even consider starting a project. It is tempting to blame it on the fact that I am bi-polar but I just don't know. Depression is a slippery slope that I've been trying to climb since forever it seems. We all have good days and bad but it seems like when I get down getting back up has gotten harder and harder. My husband does not understand why I use facebook or twitter because he doesn't use them or any online worlds or platforms. I have gained so many friends and supporters! I don't think I could have kept smiling and not killing annoying people at times with out them.
This was my catch up post. I'll make the next one more interest, lol! Thanks for reading!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Belated update & hobbies to the max!
Its been a while since I've blogged so this might be a little random but you wouldn't expect anything else from me right? Lol. I promise not to use this blog to complain about my husband's annoying habits, as in today's blog. I can't make promises about future ones. ^_~
I have a million things to say and yet am not sure where to begin, go figure. Usually the beginning is the easiest for me. The ending is what usually gives me problems. Honestly though I think it is because I tend to ramble and never really know when to stop. When I am writing a story it is because I tend to fall in love with my characters and hate to see their story end. I tend to leave certain things unresolved for leads into their next story. Most of my favorite stories to read are part of a series that is at least four to eight books or more long. As far as talking I don't mind when people talk forever. That is as long as they don't mind me replying with oh, yeah, uh huh, if I know they don't really want to talk with me. Usually when I do that I can tell the person just wants someone to listen not talk so I try to do so. On the other hand a long conversation with someone is totally different. I like those.
Last night for instance my husband and I were up until 4am partially due to my insomnia and both of us being unable to breath thanks to having colds. So we ended up putting in an anime to watch but never ended up pressing play. We talked, like really talked for the first time in a while. It was refreshing. We both got some of the things we've been stressing over out in the open, outlined our goals for this year, and talked about the future. While he does get on my nerves sometimes conversations like the one we had last night remind me of some of the millions of reasons we are so good together.
Since I blogged last my son turned 9, my daughter turned 3, and my husband decided to go back to school. When we first started dating , over 10 years ago, he tried to get into the Navy. He did the physical and took the asvab, the required skills/smarts test. His score was above average by quite a bit and he was offered a position in the nuclear technologies field. Then we screwed up and they found out he had asthma as a child. That officially got him a medical disqualification from any and all military service. He held a few regular jobs since then here and there but nothing paying more than minimum wage despite trying his hardest. We live in the capital city of our state so many people here have state jobs but if you aren't working in the capital itself you don't make much but the health insurance and other benefits are some of the best in the state. The unspoken rule is you are getting paid by the hour, not what you bring to it and anyone who did work hard was looked down on. My husband was brought up to always try his hardest and to do his best so naturally the work mentality of state jobs drove him mad.
His decision to go back to school came after he lost a job due to downsizing in his department. He was tired of working hard for nothing. We discussed a lot of different degrees, schools, and programs. He brought up the nuclear tech degree available from Linn State Tech College at one point when we were having lunch at my parents house. (we are a family that loves to talk during meals) My mom mentioned she knew a few people who work at the Callaway nuclear plant about an hour or so from where we live. He got a chance over the next few days to talk to those people and decided it might be something he could do. So he officially became a full time student. The second semester of the 2year degree program just started last week and so far so good even if the classes are a little stressful.
My job status through the years has never been consistent for one reason or another. I am a small person with medical lifting restrictions so I've had to avoid certain types of work. Temp jobs were good but always came to an end and never paid much. Sales is tough no matter how you cut it or what your selling. However that said I am currently selling, using, and loving Mary Kay. Several years back I learned how to make chain maille and chain maille inspired jewelry as a hobby but began selling it after several people offered to by pieces I had done. my jewelry My last year's new year's resolution was to get back to one of my favorite hobbies, sketching, and improve at it.
I'm happy to report I managed to succeed and have even sold a few of them. my sketches I also got back to another hobby (I have a million of them!) I love, writing. A few years ago I took a course at the University of Children's Literature and learned a lot. That year I got three parenting articles published in a local parenting magazine. A few weeks ago a friend asked me to take some photos of him. They turned out great and got lots of compliments. His own mother didn't recognize him at first, lol. So I posted some of the other photos I've taken and got compliments on those too. Several of my friends happened to be photographers or artists of one type or another and suggested I should consider becoming a professional photographer. To earn extra money between those projects I've done and do odd jobs including sewing, costume making, baby sitting, crocheting, cross stitch, embroidery, repair work, pest control (mostly mice but I did scare off a neighbor's ex one day, lol. ^_~) , snow and leaf removal, organizational therapy, and more.
On top of all that I 'stay home' with my 3yo, am a mom to her and my 9yo who has adhd, am a wife to a husband who has adhd, and an occasional owner of Beta fish. Needless to say I've forgotten what it means to be bored. Today for instance I started this blog around 11am or so after I had added an entire skein of yarn to an afghan I am working on. Its already 5pm but I've also done 3 loads of laundry (washed, folded, put away), 5 sinks full of dishes (washed, dried, put away), played Vsmile and My Little Ponies with my 3yo, helped my 9yo avoid frost bite (after he took his gloves to play in the snow), organizing some past projects, taking out 7 bags of trash, put my 3yo down for a nap, served 2 meals so far, and a few other miscellaneous things. If I blogged every day I'd get even 'less' done!
Gah! Another distraction just came in the mail. My 2008-2009 Fire Mountain Gems and Beads Jewelry Maker's Comprehensive Catalog. Its also dinner time. So for now I'm going to hop off and get dinner made and served. After everyone has been fed, entertained, bathed, and the kiddos put to bed I plan to multitask some more. I'll work on a story I'm writing, tweet on twitter, sit on facebook, and listen to whatever anime or movie my husband watches. Until next time, try to stay positive, don't forget to be willing to laugh, and try to have fun!
I have a million things to say and yet am not sure where to begin, go figure. Usually the beginning is the easiest for me. The ending is what usually gives me problems. Honestly though I think it is because I tend to ramble and never really know when to stop. When I am writing a story it is because I tend to fall in love with my characters and hate to see their story end. I tend to leave certain things unresolved for leads into their next story. Most of my favorite stories to read are part of a series that is at least four to eight books or more long. As far as talking I don't mind when people talk forever. That is as long as they don't mind me replying with oh, yeah, uh huh, if I know they don't really want to talk with me. Usually when I do that I can tell the person just wants someone to listen not talk so I try to do so. On the other hand a long conversation with someone is totally different. I like those.
Last night for instance my husband and I were up until 4am partially due to my insomnia and both of us being unable to breath thanks to having colds. So we ended up putting in an anime to watch but never ended up pressing play. We talked, like really talked for the first time in a while. It was refreshing. We both got some of the things we've been stressing over out in the open, outlined our goals for this year, and talked about the future. While he does get on my nerves sometimes conversations like the one we had last night remind me of some of the millions of reasons we are so good together.
Since I blogged last my son turned 9, my daughter turned 3, and my husband decided to go back to school. When we first started dating , over 10 years ago, he tried to get into the Navy. He did the physical and took the asvab, the required skills/smarts test. His score was above average by quite a bit and he was offered a position in the nuclear technologies field. Then we screwed up and they found out he had asthma as a child. That officially got him a medical disqualification from any and all military service. He held a few regular jobs since then here and there but nothing paying more than minimum wage despite trying his hardest. We live in the capital city of our state so many people here have state jobs but if you aren't working in the capital itself you don't make much but the health insurance and other benefits are some of the best in the state. The unspoken rule is you are getting paid by the hour, not what you bring to it and anyone who did work hard was looked down on. My husband was brought up to always try his hardest and to do his best so naturally the work mentality of state jobs drove him mad.
His decision to go back to school came after he lost a job due to downsizing in his department. He was tired of working hard for nothing. We discussed a lot of different degrees, schools, and programs. He brought up the nuclear tech degree available from Linn State Tech College at one point when we were having lunch at my parents house. (we are a family that loves to talk during meals) My mom mentioned she knew a few people who work at the Callaway nuclear plant about an hour or so from where we live. He got a chance over the next few days to talk to those people and decided it might be something he could do. So he officially became a full time student. The second semester of the 2year degree program just started last week and so far so good even if the classes are a little stressful.
My job status through the years has never been consistent for one reason or another. I am a small person with medical lifting restrictions so I've had to avoid certain types of work. Temp jobs were good but always came to an end and never paid much. Sales is tough no matter how you cut it or what your selling. However that said I am currently selling, using, and loving Mary Kay. Several years back I learned how to make chain maille and chain maille inspired jewelry as a hobby but began selling it after several people offered to by pieces I had done. my jewelry My last year's new year's resolution was to get back to one of my favorite hobbies, sketching, and improve at it.
I'm happy to report I managed to succeed and have even sold a few of them. my sketches I also got back to another hobby (I have a million of them!) I love, writing. A few years ago I took a course at the University of Children's Literature and learned a lot. That year I got three parenting articles published in a local parenting magazine. A few weeks ago a friend asked me to take some photos of him. They turned out great and got lots of compliments. His own mother didn't recognize him at first, lol. So I posted some of the other photos I've taken and got compliments on those too. Several of my friends happened to be photographers or artists of one type or another and suggested I should consider becoming a professional photographer. To earn extra money between those projects I've done and do odd jobs including sewing, costume making, baby sitting, crocheting, cross stitch, embroidery, repair work, pest control (mostly mice but I did scare off a neighbor's ex one day, lol. ^_~) , snow and leaf removal, organizational therapy, and more.
On top of all that I 'stay home' with my 3yo, am a mom to her and my 9yo who has adhd, am a wife to a husband who has adhd, and an occasional owner of Beta fish. Needless to say I've forgotten what it means to be bored. Today for instance I started this blog around 11am or so after I had added an entire skein of yarn to an afghan I am working on. Its already 5pm but I've also done 3 loads of laundry (washed, folded, put away), 5 sinks full of dishes (washed, dried, put away), played Vsmile and My Little Ponies with my 3yo, helped my 9yo avoid frost bite (after he took his gloves to play in the snow), organizing some past projects, taking out 7 bags of trash, put my 3yo down for a nap, served 2 meals so far, and a few other miscellaneous things. If I blogged every day I'd get even 'less' done!
Gah! Another distraction just came in the mail. My 2008-2009 Fire Mountain Gems and Beads Jewelry Maker's Comprehensive Catalog. Its also dinner time. So for now I'm going to hop off and get dinner made and served. After everyone has been fed, entertained, bathed, and the kiddos put to bed I plan to multitask some more. I'll work on a story I'm writing, tweet on twitter, sit on facebook, and listen to whatever anime or movie my husband watches. Until next time, try to stay positive, don't forget to be willing to laugh, and try to have fun!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Reflecting on Rachel Getting Married
I just watched the movie Rachel Getting Married with Anne Hathaway. She is one of my favorite actresses & she is why I decided to watch this particular film. I had no idea what it was about. It made me cry... for several reasons. Technically speaking, every scene went on too long & if you aren't paying close attention you will miss things. The volume control was horrid. I liked how it was filmed to resemble a home movie almost. The camera was never shaky per say but the angles used & the way it followed the characters was intriguing but came off a bit unprofessional looking in spots. As an actress Anne Hathaway blew me away! I've seen all of her films to date & this was completely different from her usual, younger audience friendly, films.
Anne plays a young adult who gets out of rehab the day before her sister's wedding. *SPOILER ALERT* You later find out she accidentally caused the death of her younger brother. I've never killed anyone literally but some times I wonder if I accidentally influenced how my younger sister has turned out. We've never been friends & I regret that but I don't know how to deal with it at this point in our lives. As an older sister I didn't set a very good example. I started having sex as a young teen, I stayed with an abusive boy friend for several years, I got pregnant my senior year of high school (thankfully I got lucky I was with my now husband), I've attempted to hold jobs & get a college degree & failed on both counts, & I can still remember our first big fight when I told her she was an accident my mom found out about when she was going to the doc to get fixed.
Why? Why was I always so hateful to her? Maybe I was jealous because back then she seemed to have everything I didn't. I've always had major medical problems that prevented me from doing so many things that she excelled at. Maybe its just our age difference? Maybe... I don't know. I wish I could talk to her about this but right now she is only 20 (I'm 26) & she is just not mentally capable of handling the real world. I'm not just saying that because of her age but because of how well I know her. Her son, Tanner, is a year older than my youngest. Tanner just turned 4 a few weeks ago. My daughter Kaliana will turn 3 in August.
The younger brother in the movie dies at age 2. Part of me fears for my babies every other minute & every other minute I regret the choices I made that brought them into my life. Of course now that they are here I would never give them up & I love them dearly but what if I had made different choices? My husband tells me not to what if. That is hard for me. I've seen so many young lives snuffed out for no good reason. I've been through so much crap & dealt with so much. Like Anne's character in the movie I have to wonder about God. In fact I wonder about him for a lot of reasons. Part of me has to wonder if he even exists but part of me always says thank you when something good happens.
Maybe I'm a hypocrite but this certainly wouldn't be the first issue I've had multiple opinions on. I try to be open minded, understanding, & such but its hard. Lately its like 1 step forward, 5 back. My husband got temporarily laid off for at least the next week today due to lack of work. He will get 1/2 of his normal salary from unemployment but as it is we are already having trouble paying our bills & have no emergency funds, savings, or extra. My parents having been helping us but they almost completely support my sister & her son who live with them. I am sick of being a burden to my loved ones. My husband told me the other day one of the things he loves about me is how I always find a way to make things work out no matter what. I'm not sure I know how to do that this time but I refuse to give up trying even if it means doing certain things I'm not proud of.
I was the kid who always said I'd never work at McDonalds, that was for losers. Guess who got fired because she wasn't fast enough? I was the kid who would never live in a trailer, only white trash did that. Guess who has lived in a 1977 single wide for the last 8 years? Jobs I can physically do & make any money at are scarce because I have a medical lifting restriction. I've swallowed my pride again & again to make sure my family had want it needed & sometimes what it wanted. I'm not complaining about the bad in my life. That would be typical & anyone who knows me well knows that I'm anything but normal. I like to focus on the positive things in every situation but its just hard right now. I haven't cried like this for a long time. Not since my grandma passed away. She was the glue that held my extended family, my aunts, uncles, cousins, & such, together. After she died I felt so lost. She used to tell me that God is always looking out for me no matter what. I hope she was right.
Another trait Anne's character & I share seems to be the inability to shut our mouths & keep our thoughts to ourselves. I never seem to know when to shut up & tend to annoy people. I'm sorry for that & I'm trying to change. It seems like I've been working on myself for long time. When I met my husband I was lost back then too. In fact two days before we met I'd made my second suicide attempt & overdosed on the worthless anti-depressant I was on at the time. Everyone just assumed I was sick with a nasty bug for a few days. I was a very good liar back then. It took so many of those early years of our relationship to even realize what my issues were. He had his share of issues too. We've worked together on all those issues. I've been lucky, unlike Anne's character, to have a supportive person who has been there for me at my worst & my best.
Recently I saw a specialist, the top specialist in the world, regarding my rare disorder that causes the main portion of my health problems. She introduced me to two new medications I have to take every six hours or so to control the most annoy things caused by the disorder & they are helping me. Ironically one of the medications I am taking because of one of the side effects is an anti-depressant called Amitriptyline & is only used in very small doses normally. It is used to treat major depression according to my doc, my pharmacist, & my friend and favorite nurse (Sarah May). Now, I've tried tons of anti-depression drugs before & have never had one help at all but have had several make me worse so I was almost afraid to try it. I'm glad I did. I feel so... balanced. I don't feel depressed or manic ALL the time. I feel so... content, emotionally. I can still become sad or happy but I no longer get dragged to the extreme of either. I still feel rage but part of that is my temper & part of that is the fact the outside temperature here hasn't gone below 78 for weeks. Heat makes just about anyone crazy I think.
I know that in some cases pills aren't the answer but in mine I think it is. I've taken the wrong ones for soooooo many years I should be a poster child for medical misdiagnoses. However people in my family respond well to the proper medications. My 8yo son for instance. He inherited ADHD from his father (my husband) & my younger (although much taller) brother. Without his medication he cannot function. He can't focus, concentrate, even do the simplest things. With help from his pediatrician we've finally found the dose of meds that makes him stable. Which brings me to another lovely point.
We live in a trailer court. Today my landlord called to let me know our mailman has been suspended & is under investigation for stealing people's mail & possibly using checks/bills people have sent out to access their checking accounts. So its no wonder my lot rent hasn't been getting to the landlord. Huh. Well today our post master, our old mail man's supervisor was going door to door making sure people got their mail from the last week. In my stack of bills & junk mail was a letter informing me I needed to reapply for the children's health insurance by today's date or it would be canceled. To re-apply you have to have at least 4 paycheck stubs from anyone in the home who works. My husband works over an hour away & I didn't have the gas to go get those stubs. So guess what I get to deal with tomorrow? (Technically later today since its now 4:02am.) On a similar note with my husband being temporarily laid off atm there is a very good chance that could stretch out longer. If it lasts too long our health insurance becomes null & void. Lovely.
Now since I like to try to end my blogs on a positive note. My husband just finished reapplying to go back to school & qualifies for a partial scholarship. Hurray! My 8yo son beat Halo on his own for the first time a few days ago & not on the easiest level either. My 2yo daughter brings me much needed laughter, smiles, & hugs each day. When I think about the very basic things in my life I am one of the luckiest people I know. I have an amazing family, a roof over my head, food to eat, & love. Remember that even at life's worst if you look around you can always find a reason to smile.
Anne plays a young adult who gets out of rehab the day before her sister's wedding. *SPOILER ALERT* You later find out she accidentally caused the death of her younger brother. I've never killed anyone literally but some times I wonder if I accidentally influenced how my younger sister has turned out. We've never been friends & I regret that but I don't know how to deal with it at this point in our lives. As an older sister I didn't set a very good example. I started having sex as a young teen, I stayed with an abusive boy friend for several years, I got pregnant my senior year of high school (thankfully I got lucky I was with my now husband), I've attempted to hold jobs & get a college degree & failed on both counts, & I can still remember our first big fight when I told her she was an accident my mom found out about when she was going to the doc to get fixed.
Why? Why was I always so hateful to her? Maybe I was jealous because back then she seemed to have everything I didn't. I've always had major medical problems that prevented me from doing so many things that she excelled at. Maybe its just our age difference? Maybe... I don't know. I wish I could talk to her about this but right now she is only 20 (I'm 26) & she is just not mentally capable of handling the real world. I'm not just saying that because of her age but because of how well I know her. Her son, Tanner, is a year older than my youngest. Tanner just turned 4 a few weeks ago. My daughter Kaliana will turn 3 in August.
The younger brother in the movie dies at age 2. Part of me fears for my babies every other minute & every other minute I regret the choices I made that brought them into my life. Of course now that they are here I would never give them up & I love them dearly but what if I had made different choices? My husband tells me not to what if. That is hard for me. I've seen so many young lives snuffed out for no good reason. I've been through so much crap & dealt with so much. Like Anne's character in the movie I have to wonder about God. In fact I wonder about him for a lot of reasons. Part of me has to wonder if he even exists but part of me always says thank you when something good happens.
Maybe I'm a hypocrite but this certainly wouldn't be the first issue I've had multiple opinions on. I try to be open minded, understanding, & such but its hard. Lately its like 1 step forward, 5 back. My husband got temporarily laid off for at least the next week today due to lack of work. He will get 1/2 of his normal salary from unemployment but as it is we are already having trouble paying our bills & have no emergency funds, savings, or extra. My parents having been helping us but they almost completely support my sister & her son who live with them. I am sick of being a burden to my loved ones. My husband told me the other day one of the things he loves about me is how I always find a way to make things work out no matter what. I'm not sure I know how to do that this time but I refuse to give up trying even if it means doing certain things I'm not proud of.
I was the kid who always said I'd never work at McDonalds, that was for losers. Guess who got fired because she wasn't fast enough? I was the kid who would never live in a trailer, only white trash did that. Guess who has lived in a 1977 single wide for the last 8 years? Jobs I can physically do & make any money at are scarce because I have a medical lifting restriction. I've swallowed my pride again & again to make sure my family had want it needed & sometimes what it wanted. I'm not complaining about the bad in my life. That would be typical & anyone who knows me well knows that I'm anything but normal. I like to focus on the positive things in every situation but its just hard right now. I haven't cried like this for a long time. Not since my grandma passed away. She was the glue that held my extended family, my aunts, uncles, cousins, & such, together. After she died I felt so lost. She used to tell me that God is always looking out for me no matter what. I hope she was right.
Another trait Anne's character & I share seems to be the inability to shut our mouths & keep our thoughts to ourselves. I never seem to know when to shut up & tend to annoy people. I'm sorry for that & I'm trying to change. It seems like I've been working on myself for long time. When I met my husband I was lost back then too. In fact two days before we met I'd made my second suicide attempt & overdosed on the worthless anti-depressant I was on at the time. Everyone just assumed I was sick with a nasty bug for a few days. I was a very good liar back then. It took so many of those early years of our relationship to even realize what my issues were. He had his share of issues too. We've worked together on all those issues. I've been lucky, unlike Anne's character, to have a supportive person who has been there for me at my worst & my best.
Recently I saw a specialist, the top specialist in the world, regarding my rare disorder that causes the main portion of my health problems. She introduced me to two new medications I have to take every six hours or so to control the most annoy things caused by the disorder & they are helping me. Ironically one of the medications I am taking because of one of the side effects is an anti-depressant called Amitriptyline & is only used in very small doses normally. It is used to treat major depression according to my doc, my pharmacist, & my friend and favorite nurse (Sarah May). Now, I've tried tons of anti-depression drugs before & have never had one help at all but have had several make me worse so I was almost afraid to try it. I'm glad I did. I feel so... balanced. I don't feel depressed or manic ALL the time. I feel so... content, emotionally. I can still become sad or happy but I no longer get dragged to the extreme of either. I still feel rage but part of that is my temper & part of that is the fact the outside temperature here hasn't gone below 78 for weeks. Heat makes just about anyone crazy I think.
I know that in some cases pills aren't the answer but in mine I think it is. I've taken the wrong ones for soooooo many years I should be a poster child for medical misdiagnoses. However people in my family respond well to the proper medications. My 8yo son for instance. He inherited ADHD from his father (my husband) & my younger (although much taller) brother. Without his medication he cannot function. He can't focus, concentrate, even do the simplest things. With help from his pediatrician we've finally found the dose of meds that makes him stable. Which brings me to another lovely point.
We live in a trailer court. Today my landlord called to let me know our mailman has been suspended & is under investigation for stealing people's mail & possibly using checks/bills people have sent out to access their checking accounts. So its no wonder my lot rent hasn't been getting to the landlord. Huh. Well today our post master, our old mail man's supervisor was going door to door making sure people got their mail from the last week. In my stack of bills & junk mail was a letter informing me I needed to reapply for the children's health insurance by today's date or it would be canceled. To re-apply you have to have at least 4 paycheck stubs from anyone in the home who works. My husband works over an hour away & I didn't have the gas to go get those stubs. So guess what I get to deal with tomorrow? (Technically later today since its now 4:02am.) On a similar note with my husband being temporarily laid off atm there is a very good chance that could stretch out longer. If it lasts too long our health insurance becomes null & void. Lovely.
Now since I like to try to end my blogs on a positive note. My husband just finished reapplying to go back to school & qualifies for a partial scholarship. Hurray! My 8yo son beat Halo on his own for the first time a few days ago & not on the easiest level either. My 2yo daughter brings me much needed laughter, smiles, & hugs each day. When I think about the very basic things in my life I am one of the luckiest people I know. I have an amazing family, a roof over my head, food to eat, & love. Remember that even at life's worst if you look around you can always find a reason to smile.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
A girl's gotta stay busy.
So I managed to over do it once again & pulled some muscles in my neck/shoulder area. A friend who is a doc stopped by on her way home to check on me just in case. She told me to alternate between a heat pack & an ice pack & to take it easy. Well duh. Although in my case a reminder is welcome. I forget to easily just how much I do every day because no one else seems to notice very often.
As a stay at home mom of an 8yo boy w/ adhd, & a 2yo girl who is exceptionally bright & creative but possibly slightly autistic, I stay pretty busy just being Mom. However I also make/sell wire/chain maille style jewelry http://craftymama.deviantart.com/ , sew, write, sketch http://craftymama2.deviantart.com/, and do pretty much anything else that needs to be done including removing mice, checking for robbers, baby sitting, and more for a family friends, & neighbors. Needless to say you'd think I'd pass out once I get the kiddos to bed every night. Instead my mind doesn't quit so neither do I. I figure if I'm going to be awake I might as well get stuff done.
Of course on top of all that I'm still expected to do almost all the house work, minus things like taking out the trash. *rolls eyes* Unfortunately I generally let those things slide a bit & give preference to my art but thankfully I have a very tolerant husband, lol. Not to say I don't put up with plenty from him too but thats another blog entry entirely, hehe.
My son & hubby both have adhd which has been a bit of a challenge but we're working on it. My daughter is so young none of the pediatricians will test her for anything yet. I however have been around children of all ages my whole life & can usually tell if a child has special needs. Its not hard to spot if you pay attention. In addition to all that I have a rare disorder of my own (you can ask about it if you want. I don't mind sharing.) It has been a challenge but it has prepared me for taking care of my own family & their special needs & for that I am thankful. However dealing with everyone's needs just adds more for me to do so if I ever seem a bit off or eccentric sorry but I've got a million things on the brain.
Esh. I'm babbling huh? Sorry. This is my first real blog entry & I'm not sure what to write atm. The next one will be more interesting. I just felt the need to explain in more than 140 characters how I hurt my shoulder, lol. ^_~
As a stay at home mom of an 8yo boy w/ adhd, & a 2yo girl who is exceptionally bright & creative but possibly slightly autistic, I stay pretty busy just being Mom. However I also make/sell wire/chain maille style jewelry http://craftymama.deviantart.com/ , sew, write, sketch http://craftymama2.deviantart.com/, and do pretty much anything else that needs to be done including removing mice, checking for robbers, baby sitting, and more for a family friends, & neighbors. Needless to say you'd think I'd pass out once I get the kiddos to bed every night. Instead my mind doesn't quit so neither do I. I figure if I'm going to be awake I might as well get stuff done.
Of course on top of all that I'm still expected to do almost all the house work, minus things like taking out the trash. *rolls eyes* Unfortunately I generally let those things slide a bit & give preference to my art but thankfully I have a very tolerant husband, lol. Not to say I don't put up with plenty from him too but thats another blog entry entirely, hehe.
My son & hubby both have adhd which has been a bit of a challenge but we're working on it. My daughter is so young none of the pediatricians will test her for anything yet. I however have been around children of all ages my whole life & can usually tell if a child has special needs. Its not hard to spot if you pay attention. In addition to all that I have a rare disorder of my own (you can ask about it if you want. I don't mind sharing.) It has been a challenge but it has prepared me for taking care of my own family & their special needs & for that I am thankful. However dealing with everyone's needs just adds more for me to do so if I ever seem a bit off or eccentric sorry but I've got a million things on the brain.
Esh. I'm babbling huh? Sorry. This is my first real blog entry & I'm not sure what to write atm. The next one will be more interesting. I just felt the need to explain in more than 140 characters how I hurt my shoulder, lol. ^_~
Grammar say what?
Here is a sentence I'm trying to write but it isn't coming out properly. Help please! Lol. Kieran is one of the story's main characters. He has chin length raven black hair streaked with silver at the temples. The character the sentence is describing has hair the same length but it is a lighter shade of black, almost a dark, dark brown/black mix. Should I keep it that way or should I just make things easier & change his hair color? XD Thanks in advance for your help!
A tall, impossibly pale man with hair cut to his chin just like Kieran’s but lighter leaned against the wall for a moment before walking up next to Kieran’s chair.
A tall, impossibly pale man with hair cut to his chin just like Kieran’s but lighter leaned against the wall for a moment before walking up next to Kieran’s chair.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Girls just wanna have fun... *sings off key*
@Crafty_mama_2: Why is it when a gal is single u could throw urself at guys & get ignored but when ur in a relationship guys come out like ants at a picnic?
@In10tionologist That is so true. I have no idea why. LOL It's like it's easier to get a job when you already have one. Same concept.
@Sharlendoble: Because men want someone who they don't have to commit to.
Great answers girls!
I need more feedback! Comments are welcome!
@In10tionologist That is so true. I have no idea why. LOL It's like it's easier to get a job when you already have one. Same concept.
@Sharlendoble: Because men want someone who they don't have to commit to.
Great answers girls!
I need more feedback! Comments are welcome!
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